We have a microwave in the kitchen that emits loud, shrill beeps when the timer goes off. It used to be that when I put something in the microwave, I kept an eye on the timer to catch it in time to stop it before the beeps occurred. One day, I noticed that I was tense and constricted as I rushed through doing something just so that I could get to the microwave in time to turn it off. The suffering was obvious, as was the need to have a different relationship to the beeps.

Now I just go about what I’m doing and if the microwave beeps, it’s OK. If I happen to be close by when it’s about to run out of time, I shut it off. But I’m not attached to getting to the microwave, no matter what, to turn it off. I still would prefer to not hear the beeps, which is why I turn it off if I’m near and it’s about ready to beep. But there is no longer the experience of suffering. Even though the preference for silence remains, the attachment to that silence is gone. So, we can see that it’s the attachment to preferences, not the preferences themselves that lead to suffering.

Explore your own life: What preferences do you notice? There will be many. Again, this is not the problem. Once you identify preferences, then you can look to see if there is attachment to them. You will know there is attachment if you notice you are suffering in relationship to a preference. You don’t have to turn yourself into an automaton that has no preferences in order to be free from related suffering. Simply notice if there is attachment to a preference, and employ skillful means to let it go.

As one cultivates the Noble Eightfold Path over time, will one’s preferences begin to dwindle? My experience is “yes.” I am not sure, however, that they will ever fully disappear. For instance, one might have a preference for the taste of sweet over sour. This is simply one’s taste and may never change. Nor does it need to. Lucky for us, it’s not the preferences that cause the suffering, but rather the attachment to them.